Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
