Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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