i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
