So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
