my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't deserve a penis
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
