Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize