Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
