bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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