i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Your penis caused this!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
