Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
