yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
