god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
