My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize