would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
