I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
