i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
