I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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