Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
