Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
