We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
