My Higher Power is John Stamos
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
