I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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