My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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