the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
