If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
