watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
