I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
