My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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