His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize