and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am available for nakedness
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
