are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
