you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
3pm strippers are depressing
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
