Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
