I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
