need another drink. this is the easiest way
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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