I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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