I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
