I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
