The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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