she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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