Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
