in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
