your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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