is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Say something about gay babies.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
