I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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