If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize