we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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