Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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