i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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