I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
