Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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