I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
