Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
