I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
