I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
