Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
