k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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