yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
