we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
