I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
