i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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