Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
