erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
