When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
