Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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