Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have aggressive nipples.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
