Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
