so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
